It all started with my father. You see, daddy was a preacher man. I a “PK,” a preacher’s kid. Famous for being rebellious and unruly, PKs are enough of a phenomenon to have earned a nickname.
But growing up in a preacher’s household, I wasn’t openly rebellious. I was more the passive aggressive, “I’m gonna lock myself in the bathroom and give myself this rad punk haircut, what are you gonna do about it” kind of rebel. Or the, sneak out after the parentals have gone to bed to go galavant with my boyfriend, kind of rebel.
The thing was not to be openly defiant of what I saw as my father’s all reaching power. As I saw it, only one of us got to be powerful and it wasn’t me.
As a teenager, having sex was the ultimate way to rebel against the good girl archetype I grew up with, and to reach for a sense of power. As it turns out, rebellion is not ultimate power…but it’s a start.
“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.” –Oscar Wilde.
The first time I heard that quote it brought into focus how my life as a sexual and sensual woman has been a journey of relating to power; How those two cannot be separated.
From those teenage days, I was always fascinated by sex and the body, but at the same time very conflicted about my desire for pleasure. This played out through an eating disorder and a heartbreakingly bad relationship with my body as a teen and into my twenties. I married in my mid-twenties. The marriage started out hot and sweet, but careened into the limbo of no sex. That’s when I decided that I would not live my life in a state of numbness and deprivation.
And that’s how a sensitive preacher’s daughter from Costa Rica ends up on the path to “conscious sexuality” many years after the teenage rebellion stage of exploration.
I sensed that sex and the body held secrets that were pointing to something mysterious and powerful, something I very much wanted to understand. And so my journey began in earnest.
(Scroll down to read about my upcoming course: SACRED SENSUALITY!)
All of this being ultimately about power was something I sensed and yet didn’t want to face head on. Because power scared me, just like my strict father scared me as a little girl. Power was taboo.
What if true power is the ultimate surrender? To deeply surrender, not only in our sex, but in the experience of being in our bodies. This is what I have discovered, and this is where sensuality comes in.
When we prioritize sensuality, we access moments where there is nothing to prove, no identity to uphold, nothing but being present and immersed in the moment. We’re left full of appreciation for life and for being here, in a body. What could be more empowering?
It goes against everything that I was taught growing up in the church. It goes against everything that was supposed to make me a good woman. And yet, there it is, the undeniable truth of it, that power starts in the body. That sex and sensuality are ways that we access that power.
It can be scary as hell to give ourselves permission to prioritize our sensuality. Which is why we need support and community cheering us on.
I am teaching a course where you can dive deeper into your journey. It’s called SACRED SENSUALITY. Join us!
SACRED SENSUALITY–the 7 week journey for women, starts December 6th.
Here’s the scoop!